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Depression....Am I in ?

What exactly is depression?

As defined in Wiki..

"Clinical depression (also called major-depressive disorder or unipolar depression) is a common psychiatric disorder, characterized by a persistent lowering of mood, loss of interest in usual activities and diminished ability to experience pleasure"

Who is to decide who is in depression?

What are the usual activities? And what in the name of god is the reduced ability to experience pleasure?

Does life need standardization? Regularity...Isn;t that what is causing the depression?

Partying.....What exactly do you mean partying? Enjoying? Doing something you are interested in ? A social gathering?

I never get to understand the rule of work for 5 days and party two days...

If partying is enjoying...Where does that leave work? Why in the first place are you doing something that you don't enjoy?

When the truth hits you that what you do is what you don't want....should depression follow?

What exactly led you there?

Did someone force you to make that choice?

Ever heard of "Responsibility"
People always said I am irresponsible.....I have no idea why...

What exactly is responsiblity?

Isn't facing the consequences courageously without caviling; blaming the circumstances and the world(whatever that means) and the society for your lack of sagacity; the real responsibilty?

Reality.....God bless it! Whenever you see a good person cheated...that's reality. Whenever an injustice occurs that's the harsh reality of life...

Who gives meaning to words like reality, responsibilty and life, I wonder.

Aliens?
Animals?

Thanks for crying out in pain, I am in Depression....

Is this really about me?
Something says not, Think again!

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This is the dumbest part in orkut.

I am supposed to say about me.

If I am selfish, then would i say anything that would portray me in a bad light?
I will say, I am kindhearted, I am a hero, nothing is impossible for me, i am hardworking, Girls i am the ideal person u r looking for....blah...stink and baloney.

Am I selfish? the moment I agree I am, I cease to be selfish, the same way I loose my humility the moment i agree i am.

The same adjectives I typed above can be true if I really am what I said I am. If I really am what I am and I know it, is there any point in convincing others as to what I am?

If I am writing what I wrote to convince others what I am..then the whole thing is a sham...and the very words I wrote are a means to "wager my swagger";

Do wonder on what's a vice and virtue.

The Dorian gray who was altruistic and innocent?
or a Dorian gray...the libertine?

When u r blamed for no fault of yours, u cry out in pain..

When the very blame put on u is the painful way of the world....u lose yourself

and heed to the voices of the wraiths dancing to the tunes of the pied piper.

At moments like those, it's your choice to follow the piper...or enjoy the joy of pain, the happiness in pain personified as your way, your thoughts and traits.

For those who survived the thoughts above, I am going in for the kill.....

Here is an exercise for u, if u want to further ur opinion...
Curiosity killed the cat, Achtung,

Attitude, Arrogance, Amity, Apathy
Brainy, Brash, Badinage
Cool, Crazy, Creative, Chameleon
Dandy, dastard, delirious , Delightful, dangerous, decorous
Effective, Elan, Enigmatic
Fatalist, Felicious, flirtatious
Gauche, Gall, guts
Hearty, hedonistic, hallucinations
Inane, Innocuous, Irritable, Irate
Jovial, jittery, judicious
KING, Kainotophobic
Languid, Luxurious, Lively
Manly, moronic, Menial
Neat, Numb, Nominal
omnious, ominous, ornate,
principles, principal, placid
Queer, Quoted,
Rustic, Restless, romantic,
Seminal, Sentious, Sensuous,
Typical, Traumatic, Tame,
Urbane, Unique
Vendetta, Vicarious, Vicious,Vaunted, Voracious, verbose, vivified, vital, virile(V is my favourite letter)
Wrath, wraith , winsome,
Xenophobic, X-rated,
Yummy, Yippie(I did it)
(this is my) ZEITGEIST

Have I changed? have I? AM I- I was, am and will be?

I gamble with higher stakes,
A Wager on swagger,
I never lose for I never win,
equilibrium was my sin..
Life is a game,
For the fun of it,
i play without a plan, with elan;
Never know what's coming.

But, I sure play to kill

Time-out

It all started(not the story but the conspicuousness of it) with these few impulsive words made meaningful:

"I was my own master until you came by; an immortal. You shattered all the shields I built against mortality, entered a place no one ever has ....and stabbed me there; leaving me threadbare"

Jeez....Paranormal paranoia pathetically encumbered the empathetic faculties of this enigmatic existentce efficated by the modularly holistic collusion of the convoluted cortex and his colleauges; driving me to document the drastic dormancy delusionally yet rationally renedered meaningful: right or wrong is a matter of perspective; it is the meaning-meaning of an emotion- made worthy wantedly without wantonness, wilfully, woe-fully culminating in wrath, let out in words-words carefully crafted to beguile the gullible; a game-game if it may be called; for the conformity of an emotion lies in its recipient whose consistent denial renders the renderer disabled to defy the distraught hyperboles hurled by the haughty, levying on him the tax of extirpating the effection and establishing the name "a game"- deliberately played to solidify the righteousness of the swagger (for no other reasoning ratiocinates the reneging).

Delineation of the disparateness of worthiness and desperation needs wisdom. Disparagingly dangerous dominance of attitiude dwindles the decision making prowess. Many factors affect, but no matter what- love prevails.
Assertion or assumption; asinine amelioration or apathetic aggaravation?

Every story has a beginning, but do all stories have an ending? Come to think of it....where does a circle start? and where does it end? Everybody has a story to tell. So, is this my story? or the human universal? Does my story have a start? You think so.....

Whatever the answer, I will not end the story; No, I choose not to, for I have no clue as to where the starting is...

Clueless? Beginning and ending is mundane and mortal. I would like my story to be immortal. What doesn't exist doesn't cease to exist. So, what better way to immortalize it than to eradicate it's existence?
And If a story doesn't exist how can I ascertain to its truthfulness? or the lack of it?

Truthfulness has no validity without lies. To confirm the truthfulness of a statement you need to know what is not true. Knowledge of the lie, giving you a choice to chose the truth or the lack of it, empowers you to change the meaning of it. Where does the trueness of truth stand then? Pretty consequential, don't you think? Fear of consequences holds the veto.

"The best liar is the one who believes in his lies"

I can guarentee..my story has no lies.

Aha!

For god's sake I AM NOT A STEREOTYPE.

Bloody hell! I never thought I would come to a point in my life where I have to explain myself to me.

I know this is my blog. But all along it was not about me. No. I thought people might take in the idea and leave the person out of it. (Some posts, I agree, are too esoteric)
Mea Culpa!

I wanted to post on Love, friendship, Women and feminism..jeez, I am in depression.
I wanted to post on stereotypes and the stupidity of people....I am cynical.
I wanted to post on patriotism and selfishness, I am a traitor.
I wanted to post on "human" freedom and denials, I am not in touch with reality.

Outta topics.

I think too much.

For starters...something..

For the past few days, Yahoo messenger, Xbox and Orkut have been my life.
Not to forget the food and my trusted Alienware along with my IPOD.

I always knew that when I do something regularly, I am going to stop doing it. That's the problem with knowing yourself too much.

Been buzzing all my old friends and made a few pretty interesting new friends or (Friend)

That's a good sign. I am getting in touch with myself again. Those long solitary ponderings and wanderings are alluring me now.

All my postings till now were emotional and impulsive( except 3 posts..all other took less than 40 minutes)

Time to start posting seriously; and on interesting subjects...

This time I am not wishing myself luck. I have me to help.