Nothing Personal

Love is not an emotion you need to supress. As Dr.Octavius(spiderman's rival) says "If you hide something as complicated as Love, it will choke you".. Let the love out, world could use some love.

Don't get me wrong, ever hugged anyone? Try once; when you are in unbearable pain, down with burdens without answers, try hugging anyone you like or love. The result is undescribable.

The first thing I noticed when I came to US is the "Hi! How are you doing?" thing, for courtesy sake. It is the etiquette here. No questions asked, it is a virtue to be courteous, even to strangers.

But, somehow I never got used to it.

I hate it when someone I know say that to me, I feel like strangling them-(believe me, I can strangle) As mentioned yesterday, empty words irritate me.

Another phrase I fucking loath is " I appreciate it". You know what it implies:

You asshole, thanks for helping me out, I need some jackass to do the work when I enjoy.

Sounding like a cyinc?

Try this definition:

Gentleman: A wussy too afraid to fight back.

All you get for being a good man are a few sympathetic pats and words; and mighty screw-ups,

But, for god's sake

Who said being good is easy?

One more day ,,,,

To get an idea is difficult, to present it picturesquely is practically impossible. Try posting a new topic everyday in a blog.

When I started this blog, I was a different "man".

I had plans of going home, on December 12th.

I always argued against women, and for evolution. How contrary can I be?
I always adored women and solidly believed in God. Afterall, he is the one who brought me this far. The topic is not God. Let me continue....

I almost booked the ticket home, when

u guessed it, God intervened.

My old roomie, Pavan Nagaraj, was cooking(in his home in Florida) . Tired as he was with his tight schedule, he went for the Puligore mix. And he remembered me , for I used to cook it all the time. The timing seemed so perfect that only one person could have ordained it.

We had a long talk. But a few words remain etched in my memory:

"You came here as a kid, whatever happens, WHATEVER, Go back as a Man"

and I intend to do exactly that.

There are few points I have to prove to myself before I leave home. As the Spider-man caption put it beautifully

"The Greatest battle lies within you"

and battles to win, I have.


Being born as the second and last child has its advantages.

I always got the best deal. Always was the Poster-boy and well, always got what I wanted.

My mother and father(my brother) were always worried about the same thing.

When will I grow up?

I can say I grew up and be done with it. But words are ,,, huh! words. If you can't follow them up with actions they remain words, like the "friendship", "Love" and "hate". They are extant as just words nowadays.

It's not the words that are important but the meaning they imply, and we use them without implications.

There is only one test to prove yourself. if somebody can trust you with a job, you have grownup.

Now, let me stress that again. All the words in the above sentence have a meaning only when reflected in actions.

Trust is not an easy thing to get.

Try never to lose it....

On my feet.....

A Person once asked me to explain what love is.

Well there are beautiful phrases and lines in movies, books and other forms of art.

"Love is never having to say you are sorry"--(from lovestory)

I would say Love is having to admit you are sorry: with words-unspoken and feelings- unexpressed. (The one liner above tantamounts to this, ofcourse).


"Nobody tells you if you are in love"--(from Spiderman) You have to know it by yourself.

If you ask me, Love is a choice than has to be made only once, and once alone.

I wish I could quote Ayn Rand but I have been out of touch with myself for sometime.

In essence, she rips apart the essential qualities that are superficial in the modern man. She, rightly so, points out the qualities that are affected by the core that is selfishness. Anyone reading this, read Ayn Rand "Atlas Shrugged". There are many points you like and many you don't. But, you gotta admit-- everyone is selfish

Unfortunately, even love hasn't escaped the dragnet of Selfishness.

To cry for someone, to miss someone and to live for someone- these are the things that we miss today.

We cry for the wrong things. we miss the wrong things and we live for the wrong things.

It is said a Man falls in love three times-- the Second is the one you marry.

I read a remarkable story "The Confessions of Max Tivoli", where Tivoli falls in love with the same woman three times- he is a monster whose body ages in the reverse. If that is what it takes to love a woman so much- I would gladly be a Max Tivoli.

Love stories make you cry, with cruel endings-- this story makes you cry with an ending that is...... (I will not spoil the surprise).

My outlook on life was different till I met a person. I always lived my life, but for a few months I lived her life. A life full of "little nothings". I thought I would return the favor.

Noone can escape death; but you are missing the point, you have to live to die.
Live your life to the fullest to escape death.

When you lie on your death bed, if you can laugh at all the things you have lived for, you escaped death for true. (note)

Wondering why death figured in: the only thing that can end Love is death.

As simple as that.

My Mother always said I believed in the wrong things. Now I realize that I never believed in the wrong things; it's just that the things I believed in never existed. But, I am one tough sonovab''''.

I never give up.


P.S:I would never have written this post but for the gnawing sensation caused by my conscience.

I was never a pragmatist. Might be someday.

If I change, I would laugh at the apparent uselessness of this post,
if I don't, it would stand testimony to a misfit that survived.

Monday, the 26th

Again a 9hour day.

Not much of a day.

End of a festive season..

Returned the car, lots of memories in that one. It was raining heavily and I was drenched to the bone-- took a bus and back to work.

You might be wondering about the continuity of my blog. Thanksgiving special is on its way. Takes a great deal of brain to think and write it and I am not exactly thinking straight.

I can promise the readers onething, good topics coming up, but I am just waiting for the right time to publish them. Too many things keeping me busy...

Tuesday, the 20th

Well. Second day and I am already feeling tired of typing in.

First time, I beat Meghamsh in racquetball---

Lots of first times today---

First time, I found a mistake in me and well! was Man enough to accept it.
What is the mistake? you might wonder-- it is for another day.

First time- I lied deliberately-- Lots of people justify it under the cover of maturity: but then, I always strove to be different.

I sure can say one thing-I had no other option.

First time, I was confident enough to answer my advisor's questions about my thesis.

Coming to first times,

Life is like a thriller book. Every page holds new experiences.

But unlike the pre-ordained ending, you can choose your climax. That's the beauty of life.

For that matter, Choice is what gives Humans the upper hand among all the other species that inhabit the earth.

I always wondered how just an YES or NO could change your lives...

Some might say, all we have is Hobson's choice, but I disagree.

It is just the cover for a cowardly choice. It is easy to chose what is extant; the fads.

Real choices need courage.

Courage to go against the world.

As King says "You can spin with the world or go against it and get thrown off your feet"

Real courage needs strong conscience, and a clear one too.

Catch is ...Courage is a Double-edged sword.

Not everytime it pays-off.

But, real courage is to be courageous when it doesn't pay-off.

Dare to be courageous, and you will be the KING...

Some say I am the king..

AM I?

Thought of the day:
If you cannot change your fate, change your attitude.(personally, I think it's better to change the former than the latter)

Monday, November 19th - A Day to remember

Karl Marx would have looked at me with horrified face--- Communists might have communally crucified me---jeez, even I was startled---I worked for 10 hours today, counting my lab work....

Showed my leg at 7 in the morning, had milk and left to childcare. First time with infants-- cutie piessss- Had a great time, only problem was they were crying a lot and I had to play the mother.

Add to it, I had to sing to them to console them.

I missed deepotsav yesterday but , Ah! compensated in ample for it...

Chicken dance-- with Terra(my co-worker) and 3 year old kids. Bliss, pure un"adult"erated bliss.

Amaiya called me a giant and said that she loves me....

Brandon, Austin(dude they are the poster boys, u can;t resist a kiss) and I built a tower touching the ceiling of the room, so high that even I couldn't reach to put the last block on it..

Drew and explained Rainbow for Olivia :another beauty of a kid.


I love kids and I adore them -- because they says words they mean-- show their genuine emotions-anger,jealousy and stupidity, unlike the overgrown kids around them-- they go under the classification ADULTS.


Cleaned the shop in Ecss. had light dinner and the unconscious took over.

Ever been in paradise--- with your favourite song playing in your year, cozy and in fetal position in an undersized couch, with the centralized conditioner maintaining 80 degrees...

so much for the little nothings and small comforts.........


Thought of the day:

"How stupid you have to be not to know how stupid you are"




Mr.Anderson wanted to see how deep the rabbit hole goes--and Morpheus showed him----

Welcome to the real world,,NEO

Preamble

To the August Assortment of Assholes,

If you know the meaning of blog, skip the next line.
It has no meaning, it is a short form of weBLOG.

I used to have a good habit, that, in the rush of adolescence adrenalin, I lost. I used to keep diaries....

I don't do things without a reason(there are some exceptions).

Diary was me, and it was my heart reflected on pages.

There were too many secrets there, and I publicly admit, you would be flabbergasted if you took a look at my diaries, no kidding. And I can assure you, you will never find one, my mother dumped them with two bags full of chocolate wrappers, diary milk covers, free tattos and other free stuff, somewhere.


Even now I am keeping one, but occasionally. Too many ideas and too much lethargy, so I decided to cut it short and keep one publicly.

If you are reading this, you might wonder what I might post. If you are my friend-sure you will figure-in in someday's post. Not everyone will like my ideas and thought.

I can only say this, I am what I am and NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO.

Reader, read at your own peril..for courage is a double-edged sword.....(ah, I know you haven't understood the last line, so much so for profundity)